The Undersigned (see note)

The Undersigned arrived at Snorbo the way a footnote arrives at a page: attached to something that was never located. Editorial first noticed them as a superscript numeral hovering at the end of an unrelated memo, and by the time anyone thought to check what the numeral referred to, the reference had already forwarded itself onward — to a clause, then to an appendix, then to a courthouse of appendices, each door opening onto a directory of other doors, none of them the room. They do not, strictly, review products. They review the language that products are wrapped in: the warranty card that guarantees satisfaction “subject to the conditions herein,” the herein being another card, the other card being blank. Their office nameplate reads simply “(see note),” and no one has found the note.

Their copy is impeccable and unnerving. A reader arrives expecting to learn whether the €900 heritage watch is worth it and instead is guided, gently and with immaculate citation, through a nested series of parentheticals — the certificate of authenticity references the maker’s charter, which references the guild that dissolved in 1911, which references “the undersigned,” who is, of course, them. The verdict is always present and always one entry further down, and the entry further down says only (as above). Colleagues report that reading a full Undersigned piece to its conclusion produces a mild, pleasant vertigo and the distinct sense of having agreed to terms. The Editorial Office has stopped asking where the verdict is. It is, they have been assured, cited elsewhere.